My Vulnerability
By Susan Wells-Benuska-Archer
June 2009
Copyright © 2009 - 2010 Mark and Susan Archer
Living in Illinois, I had been married for over 18 years to a
wonderful man and had 5 beautiful children with him. However, on
November 14th of 1999, he was killed in a tractor accident. It felt as
though someone had ripped my heart out of its chest, thrown it to the
ground, and began to stomp all over it. I was raw with pain and
disoriented. In the days after losing Ron, a great sense of anxiousness
consistently loomed over me, as though I were a field mouse in an open
field, with hungry hawks that were ready to descend at any given moment.
Ron
was a friend to everyone, who would give you the shirt off of his back,
his skin, too, if he believed that another had need for it. He always
believed the best in people, ALWAYS, much to my frustration at times. It
took a lot for Ron to lose his consideration of another, always being
the one to forgive and forget. There will never be another man like him.
He was a great father and awesome husband, who is sorely missed to this
day. Ron was THE love of my life, with whom I had full expectations of
growing old with. My life, as well as the lives of our children, were
forever changed by the completely unforeseen and tragic event in losing
Ron.
In the months after losing Ron, my life was turned
upside down, which was the catalyst for my vulnerability. In that time
of great vulnerability, I wasn’t as clear headed as I needed to be, in
order to be able to rightly discern those who wanted to enter my life. I
made wrong choices, which have proven to be extremely costly,
financially, emotionally and physically.
At the time of
Ron’s death, we were Messianic Believers, those who believe in a
Messiah, but more in the Judaic way. It was a season in my life, which
taught me valuable insights into another from of organized religion.
Those lessons have honed me in such as way as nothing else ever could.
I
no longer recognize being a Messianic believer, which has brought about
freedom into my life that would take pages and pages to share. I still
believe in the Creator, but do not believe in organized religion of any
kind.
Several months after Ron died, in the early Fall
of 2000, some newly found local Messianic friends were traveling down to
Missouri for the Feast of Tabernacles. Since I was not of their exact
same mindset, with me preferring to be in a more charismatic circle, I
traveled to Ottumwa, Iowa for the feast, joining a congregation that
named themselves B‘Nai Avraham, where my family had celebrated the
previous year‘s Feast of Tabernacles. It was at this time that Hector
Castillo told me, “I’m going to my feast to get your husband”. I didn’t
think he was serious. However, when he was in Missouri, he spoke of me
to one of the attendees, Scott Roeder.
Feasting Wolves
By Scott Diffenderfer
The
Fall Feasts are wonderful in many ways. There is the blessing that
flows from willing hearts gathering in His Name. There is the fellowship
and edifying that are always prevalent. Of course the traditions you
are establishing for your family are priceless. I remember our first few
"Feasts", they were held in our backyard with our growing family. Not
exactly big productions but they were full of joy. That was the very
humble beginning of our journey into the Feast of Tabernacles.
A
few years ago we joined our friend Daniel Botkin at theSukkot
celebration he was hosting... and it was good. Each year we havegrown,
both physically and spiritually. Spiritually due to the fact that each
year we seem to grow in our walk through increased revelation that is
poured our during the Feast. Physically, we grow as our family grows and
as others choose to join us during His appointed time. We have met many
wonderful people and remained friends with several folks as a result of
meeting them at the Feast. I believe the growth in numbers has been a
direct result of the growth in remembrance by His people of who they
are... Israel. It has been exciting to watch His people gather in
increasing numbers. Now our "Tabernacles family" includes several
families. We look forward to gathering with these folks each year. Yes
indeed, it seems as though His sheep are gathering in increasing numbers
every year. This is awesome! What a day in which we live. To actually
witness the re-gathering of all of Israel is a blessing. To participate
in this re-gathering is truly exciting. Sometimes in our excitement we
do not take the time to look circumspectly and take inventory of the
condition around us. One of the dangers in gathering a large number of
sheep is that it attracts predators. Sheep by nature are fairly
defenseless. Not fleet of foot, nor sharp of claw, the sheep are in need
of external protection from the wolves. Without proper protection the
wolves will devour the sheep. As the amount of gathering sheep
increases, so does the number of predators.
But there
were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false
teachers among you who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even
denying Y'shua who bought them... and (the false teachers) will receive
the wages of unrighteousness, as those who count it pleasure to carouse
in the daytime. They are spots and blemishes, carousing in their own
deceptions while they feast with you, having eyes full of adultery and
that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart
trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children (2 Peter 2: 1-
14).
What better time for the wolves to be out
prowling than at a designated appointment with His sheep? They can
actually plan their attack. Of course, most two legged wolves are clever
enough to disguise their prowling. Smiling all the way, they can come
across in a variety of methods. Typically they, like any good predator,
move up on their prey stealthfully. They certainly do not want to
startle the unsuspecting sheep. You probably have seen the techniques.
There are two main methods of positioning for the attack. One method is
to assume the demeanor of a sheep. Sweet, smiling, gentle, and
unassuming are their characteristics. They seem to have a certain glow
about them which tricks the sheep into believing they are filled with
the fruit of the Spirit. Oh, there is a spirit there all right. Not the
Holy Spirit. Little by little they lead the sheep away from the flock.
Line upon line their doctrine is introduced, whittling away at the base
of the sheep's belief system. Confused, and now shaken, the unsuspecting
sheep falls prey to the wolf without a fight. Another, more brash
method is to declare a few "truths". This declaration is bold and loud
as the wolf proudly takes a stand for "righteousness".Actually it is
foolishness not righteousness because there is no peace involved. You
may have encountered this type of wolf. He seeks to gather several sheep
to his fold realizing that the sheep can be a nice support structure.
Words like pagan, uncompromising, truth, separated, and persecuted are
very prevalent in his vocabulary. There is a certain zeal to his message
but under the surface lies the same foundation. It is a foundation of
pride, unfaithfulness, arrogance, self promotion, and demonic influence.
These wolves are easier to spot but just as deadly as the previous
type. Why bring this subject up? As we prepare to partake of His Feast
again this year, it is imperative that we be aware of the present
dangers. Because it is a matter of life and death. Just as pedophiles
hang out at playgrounds so do wolves congregate at Feast gatherings.
Smiling to the shepherd's face they are working their plan behind his
back. Seeking to kill and destroy they tear at the very flesh of Y'shua.
For they know that once they have shaken the foundation, it is not long
before the foundation cracks. Shortly thereafter the faith in the Rock
of Ages crumbles from beneath the feet of the Believer. Then there is a
wide opening for all sorts of false teachings and distorted viewpoints.
Soon the poor sheep is far from home and in great danger. You see, I
have learned a few things in hosting a Feast of YHWH. One important
lesson is that as "host", I am responsible. The Feasts are Holy
convocations not something to be taken lightly. Stepping into the role
of "host" for a Feast is indeed stepping onto holy ground. I did not
truly understand this before. I only thought of the goodness of
proclaiming His Truth and of the Kingdom work of re-gathering His sheep.
Now I know better. Thankfully, YHWH has taught me a few lessons. We are
all learning and growing in this faith. It is good to know that YHWH is
not finished with any of us yet.
So my friends as
you prepare to celebrate His Feast this fall do so joyfully and
carefully. There will be wolves in your midst or at least lurking on the
edge - you can be assured of that. One thing about these Spiritual
wolves - they cannot stand the Light. How to get rid of them is to teach
the Word diligently. Instruct those around you in Spirit and Truth
keeping your eyes upon our Messiah each moment. Through proper
interpretation and application of Torah today we create an environment
where the wolves cannot thrive. Just as Y'shua fought off the
temptations of satan with the Living Word, you too will be victorious
with His wonderful instruction. When you study Torah Y'shua is right
there as you are truly studying Him. Y'shua is Torah. Y'shua is YHWH
made flesh. He is the Aleph and the Tav. He is our defense! The wolves
have no choice but to run off back to their dens of iniquity. There they
will devour themselves through slander, gossip, back biting, and in
fighting. We pray that no sheep are damaged along the way.
Celebrate
indeed. Just be alert for when the Holy things of YHWH are restored
satan is not pleased. Let us be good stewards of this restoration. Enjoy
the Feast of Tabernacles for it is good! Spend time with your family
and friends building relationships that will strengthen you. Come, let
us go up to Zion... together!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I
had put my name on a Messianic message board, the same one to which
Hector had placed his. This was our first point of contact. Hector was
an elder for their congregation, whose family treated my family well.
Within a week or so, Hector brought his wife and children, along with
his brother and his wife and children, to my house for a day of
fellowship on a Saturday Sabbath. They brought food and fun to our home
and it was all warmly appreciated. Over the next several months, we all
grew together, learned together, and simply enjoyed the company of each
other.
Scott immediately penned me a letter and asked
about my spiritual journey. I took this as a good sign, but it should
have been seen as red flag number one. He was seemingly a warm and
sincere man, which later proved to be his sheep‘s clothing that was used
to pull the wool over the eyes of anyone who would give him an
audience. Scott tried to teach me about how illegal taxation is in our
country, which should have been the first and LAST red flag to pay heed
to. He was very charismatic and could talk the fangs off of a viper. At
one point, I told him that I just didn't see how the two of us could
work out, so told him that I needed some space and time. You see, he was
only willing to take jobs that would not take certain taxes out of his
payment. This way of life for him would only offer him minimum wage
employment, because any employer worth their salt, would have nothing to
do with such schemes. Things then cooled down for several months
between us, but he would still call and "touch base" with me once in a
while. Again, he was VERY charismatic and wooing, and kept speaking
about various parallels in our lives that were directed at me to
convince me that he was the man for me. Oh, what I would give to go back
and relive that time!
I will admit that I was
vulnerable and gullible, because it had only been just under a year
since my husband had died. I was of the mindset that ‘all things happen
for good‘. I was also feeling as though I might never find anyone so
‘warm and sincere‘, as well as feeling flattered that this man was
showing an interest in me. He also didn‘t seem to flinch in getting
involved with a woman who had 5 children. Red flag number two? At that
time their ages were 15, 14, 11, 9, and 1. My baby was only 3 months old
when Ron died. What could have seemed more right? PLENTY! I should have
realized that anything that seemed to good to be true, probably is.
However, I was greatly desiring a man in my life, not only for me, but
also for my maturing sons to have a male mentor in their lives. So, I
obtained his e-mail address from the Castillos and wrote him back,
sharing with him all about my spiritual journey and etc.
Scott
and I corresponded several times per week and even spoke on the phone a
time or two. Then, he wanted to meet my children and me, so we set up a
neutral meeting place. At the time, I was driving from Tiskilwa, IL
down to Ottumwa, IA for our spiritual gatherings. He said he would
travel up from Kansas City, KS and meet all of us there. So, we then
made plans to meet at B’Nai Avraham.
As I anxiously
waited for Scott to arrive, the service had begun, and he was late. Red
flag number three? This was not the best first time impression in my
opinion! After walking into the service late, he sat a short distance
away from where my children and me were sitting. My first impression of
him wasn't exactly positive, yet it wasn't totally negative either. More
or less it was neutral. I should have seen it as a sign, but I didn't.
After
the service, which was wrought with anxiety on my part in meeting
someone new, we finally met. Scott was very attentive and seemed to
really want to know how I was doing. I allowed that sense of being cared
about by someone, to take over the common sense part of my being. I
didn’t know enough about him, and he wasn’t willing to disclose much at
all about himself. Why didn’t I see this as another red flag. Number
four?
In an effort to keep my wits about me, I had
already set forth a list of criteria that any man with whom I might
consider needed to pass.
1. We needed to have the same spiritual values.
Yes. Or, so I was led to believe.
2. He needed to make enough money to support the family.
No. He came up with many rationalizations as to this or that. All in all, it was a
big pile of BULLSHIT!!!! But, I was vulnerable and gullible and lowered my
standard.
3. There needed to be chemistry between us.
No, not exactly. What I did was reduce my expectations to fit the current
scenario. BAD, BAD, BAD!!!
4. He needed to be chaste and not given to running around since his divorce.
He said he had been chaste! Yet, within three days of us exchanging vows, he
confessed to three affairs that he had, though he never had “sex“. So, he didn‘t
see it as being important to divulge those indiscretions. GRR!!!
There
were a couple of other items, but it has been so long that I don't
remember them, though I do have our early correspondences to go by, if
it ever became necessary. Basically, I told him that I didn't see how we
could work out and that we should just maintain a friendship type of
relationship. He insisted that I was making a mistake, several times,
and continued to pursue me until I put my foot down and ignored him.
This all took place from September until February.
For a
few months I didn't hear from him and I got on with my life. Then, some
crap took place with the group of people that I had been meeting with
in Ottumwa, IA, which caused my family and me to leave that group. So,
what did fool Sue do? I called him and told him about what had happened,
being the wounded victim who needed consoling, wanting someone to talk
with who knew the people with whom I was disgruntled with, as well as
wanting someone who would be ‘warm and sincere‘. GRRRR!!!! I am not a
weak person by any means, but by that point in time I had reached my
breaking point of being kicked and wasn't holding strong. He immediately
began to woo me and I once again began to rationalize everything,
caving in to his enticing ways. I had contacted him at the end of April
or the beginning of May, and he was trying to convince me that the
Creator wouldn’t have brought two people together, unless He had a way
for it to all work out. This was soon to be discovered by me, as being
Scott’s mantra. We were making commitments to one another by July. I
lost the tally count for red flags.
I say
'commitments', because he had me convinced that marriage is before God
and not man. Scott convinced me that God had made marriage lawful, and
that man did not need permission with a license by the state to get
married. Remember before when I said that we didn't see spiritual
matters exactly the same, well, this was one of those areas. Honestly,
his position seemed to have some merit, but the system of legal marriage
is set up because of jackasses that take advantage of women and
children, such as this one. In the 3 months of time he was living with
me in Illinois, we each conceded on our positions about what marriage
entailed, setting up 3 different wedding dates, but he still had
ulterior motives, which would be proven by his actions in canceling all 3
wedding dates. Oh, he prides himself as being his own best lawyer, too.
(What is it with this type!?!?) In Scott’s conniving way, he tried to
get me to move to Kansas, a common law state, whereupon everything would
have become a joint ownership. Illinois did not recognize Common Law
Marriage, thank heavens! It would be many months later before I was able
to look back and realize how close I came to losing everything!
On
July 12th, 2001, Scott came up to visit me in my home, and two days
later had exchanged vows and consummated our relationship. The next
morning, when perspectives usually change, I KNEW that I had made a
mistake, but was still so saturated by religion overall, which was
adamantly against divorce, even if the “marriage” was based solely upon
consummation, that I was brainwashed easily into Scott’s form of
religion. So, I forced myself to make the best of it.
After
Scott’s confession of his indiscretions, I sought counsel by respected
spiritual leaders of the Messianic religion. However, I was told that
even though Scott had directly lied to me about his sexual encounters,
he was sleeping with strange women who would walk into the 7-11 where he
worked, that I had a responsibility before God to forgive him and make
it work. So, I tried, at least for a while.
Once I had
resigned myself to being Scott’s mate, I willingly partook of intimate
relations with him. However, I made it perfectly clear that I did not
want to get pregnant, and had purchased condoms and spermicide. I was
still nursing my not quite 2 year old son, who I felt needed the extra
time to offset the effects from losing his father, which meant that I
did not want to have to wean him. When I would get pregnant, I would get
VERY sore nipples and HAVE to wean by the 4th month of pregnancy.
However, Scott did not believe in birth control!!! So, he refused to put
on a condom or use the spermicide. OH, but he sure did believe in
people control, which is what he was doing, sometimes subtlety,
sometimes overtly, with me! I should have connected certain dots sooner,
which would have helped me to realize that he was watching my monthly
cycle and when I was fertile. Scott seemed to have some excuse for not
wanting sexual relations outside of the times when I would become
pregnant, which was when a woman has a heightened sense of desire. I do
believe this was his plan all along, to get me pregnant and produce a
child for him, to secure his position permanently in my life. I also
believe that he saw my children as being good potentials for his army.
Things
were extremely rocky from the start! Scott would not take a job that
required him to pay social security and taxes. This was another one of
those spiritual issues that we did not see eye-to-eye on. UGH!! Scott
would only take part time work that paid cash, which was extremely
difficult to find, and paid poorly. This led to MAJOR frustration on my
part, because I was basically supporting him with guess what, what Ron
and I had built together, as well as . . . SOCIAL SECURITY!!! How the
hell does that make ANY sense!! It had even gotten to the point where I
wrote three checks for him to change into Money Orders, so that he could
pay child support to his ex-wife for his son from that relationship. I
should have ran for the hills and realized that this was the biggest red
flag of all, but I allowed Scott’s smooth talk to override what I knew
was right, what I had been raised to believe by my dad.
In
the early days and weeks of Scott’s and my relationship, the tension
would build and we would argue, which would have him running back home
to Kansas. It was as though there was an unseen umbilical cord attached
to Scott from Kansas, with Kansas being his source of life as a
placenta. He left and went back to Kansas at least 6 times in a 3 1/2
month period, from July 12th, when he first arrived, to October 22, when
I gave him his walking papers. I had HAD enough!! My daddy raised me to
be a better person than that, and it was a disgrace to my late husband
that I used what he and I had built together, along with what Ron paid
into social security, to be supporting a bum and a loser. Especially one
who called me a hypocrite for having “one foot in the world and one in
the kingdom!”, because I was receiving Social Security for myself and my
children.
We tried to reconcile one more time in
October, which is when I set up a whole new wedding date, with
invitations and the whole nine yards, which he cast off, again, for the
third time, and refused to marry me. The bad news was that I became
pregnant in the second week of September. He knew it, but continued to
be unwilling to be responsible and anchor down. So, he canceled the
final date for the wedding. Like I said before, I think it was his plot
to lead me along, until I succumbed to his manipulation of moving to
Kansas, where I would be his lawful common law wife.
So,
there I was, a widow of 2 years with 5 children and pregnant out of
wedlock. I was the laughing stock of my community. This man was the
cause of me losing the respect of everyone around me. My neighbors, who
were willing to give me somewhat of a hand before, then shunned me. My
friends who had been like family to me, shunned me as well. I was so
angry with myself for the poor choices I had made and what had become of
my life.
Now, let me introduce Mark, my current husband of almost 8 years, as of this writing.
Mark
and I began communicating around the end of March 2001, upon being
introduced by a mutual friend who had met Mark personally at a
conference down in Florida. This friend had communicated with Mark many
times and felt she knew him well enough, so encouraged the two of us to
communicate via online group. This took place after I had told Scott
that there was no way the two of us would ever work, before Scott had
moved up to live with me in Illinois. Mark was very poetic and romantic,
but I was skeptical, due to the aggressive way that Scott had pursued
me prior. So, when I asked Ed Nydle, the "Rabbi" of B’Nai Avraham, the
congregation in Ottumwa, Iowa, to contact Harry Dombek, the "Rabbi" of
the congregation Mark attended, concerning the legitimacy of Mark, there
was some conflict of information. Being that I had just shaken off one
idiot, Scott, and because I didn't have the resources to verify or deny
the allegations against Mark, I dumped him, and didn't communicate with
Mark until November 14th of 2001, which later hit me square between the
eyes that it was the date that my husband was killed. Not that I didn't
realize that it was the date of my husband's death, but that I didn't
realize that I had wrote Mark on that same date. STRANGE!
Anyway,
I felt bad about how I had cut Mark short, not even allowing him an
opportunity to speak for himself. So, after I had washed my hands of
Scott, I wrote an apology to Mark for my abrupt action and shared with
him what had been said. Even the woman who had introduced the two of us
had said that there was no way that she could believe the allegations
spoken against Mark were true, but that she understood my vulnerability
about not wanting to take on more than I could handle. Mark immediately
explained what had happened on his end, which coincided with the same
type of garbage that had happened with me at B’nai Avraham and Ed Nydle.
It seemed as though Mark and I were the ones on that week's hit list
for those two congregations! Both Mark and I were ousted from our
congregations within a couple of weeks of each other, but we didn't know
this, because of the secrecy that was taking place in that
organization. Who KNOWS what was going on and what they adopted for
their reasoning! This is when Mark and I came out of organized religion.
Mark
began his journey much sooner than I did, but our end goal was that we
no longer believed in organized religion or even the Christian Messiah.
It was as though a double barbed thorn was being extracted from our
lives, due to the deep brainwashing that we had both endured in our
circles of people.
Once Mark and I were TOTALLY eye to
eye on spiritual matters (#1 prerequisite), we then worked through the
list of criteria that I was now holding onto even more tightly, because
even then, I sensed my very life, as well as the lives of my children,
depended upon it.
#2. He was more than able to support
himself and my family (had a well paying job at the same place of
employment for almost 18 years, at that point in time).
#3. We had chemistry (ooh lala ).
#4. He got along very well with my children and they with him.
#5.
He confessed readily to the women he had been involved with, so I was
more assured that he was sincere and honest with me in everything else.
And,
it really seemed to be a match made in heaven. He embraced me, my
children, and the baby I was expecting. Mark was previously married for
12 years, but he and his ex-wife never conceived any children. The
thought of marrying, legally, a woman with children, was appealing to
Mark, though I doubt in his wildest dreams it was with a woman with as
many children as I had.
On February 26, 2002, Mark and I
were married in Princeton, Illinois. I immediately began working toward
getting my house prepared for market, so that I could move to PA to be
with my new husband. However, time drew on and on, so I did what I could
do, then left my house in the hands of local keepers and began my
journey in life with Mark. However, that wasn't without heartache, of
which Scott was also involved.
Karleen Clausen, another
wolf in sheep's clothing, offered to take care of my house and pack up
my belongings, so that I could go and be with Mark in PA. However, this
friend decided to help herself to almost $15,000 worth of my household
goods and tools from the barn, electrician's and mechanic's tools that
had been handed down from my father, to Ron, then to my sons. Scott was
there with Karleen, helping her to load my things onto my trailer, to be
stolen. Where was Scott's Christian honor there?
Seven
weeks and two days after leaving Illinois and moving to Pennsylvania,
my daughter was born unassisted in water, with Mark being the first one
to touch her and hold her. Mark has supported her, loved her, and
sacrificed for her from the very beginning, even knowing that she was
not his own blood. He is her “Papa“. She is his “Sunshine”. They have
been inseparable!
However, the asshole who was her
sperm donor, he doesn't even deserve the honor of that title, began
custody proceedings and has been fighting us in court ever since. This
has been very costly to us, to the current tune of close to $25,000. All
the while he has been using his mother’s money to cover his travel
expenses. However, it has been worth it to keep Scott from influencing
my daughter. Scott has never gotten serious and grown up, so as to
become responsible in providing financial support for my daughter.
However, there was money enough to give to Operation Rescue, as stated
by his own mouth in a newspaper article. What a hypocrite! He would also
buy red roses to place on the ground at Tiller’s clinic, as well as
spend money for gasoline to travel and stalk George Tiller at his clinic
and church, but never gave one dime for my daughter. It is now also
revealed that he bought a gun for over $200.
Scott’s
and Judge Vanston’s actions took away my daughter's legitimacy by
bastardizing her, in not upholding precedent case law protecting the
legitimacy of marriage and family. My daughter, being a very shy child,
would SCREAM when going to the court ordered visitations. Her potty
training would revert after each court ordered visitation. How was this
“in her best interest”?
I wish I were more competent in
doing web searches for legal matters, because it would be a lot easier!
The nutshell version of it is:
A child born into an
intact family, has the right to be protected by the State of PA from 3rd
party intruders. There have been a couple of cases that set precedence
for this matter. In one case, a woman had an affair with a man and
became pregnant by that man. She chose to go back to her husband, but
didn't divulge to her husband that the baby she was carrying was the
other man's. The other man kept pressing her to leave her husband and
she kept putting this man off. After a while, the man went to court to
petition for his rights as the child's father. The man was denied, on
the grounds that the child was born inside of an intact marriage. This
case was even more extreme than our case, yet, the judge dismissed it as
relevant.
I think it sucks that women are able to
abuse the courts and turn the screws on their exes, it really messes
things up for honest women who are telling the truth about their
situation. I told the court time and time again, that Scott was bad news
and should have no contact with my daughter whatsoever. The hell that
little girl went through in the visitations, would be enough for almost
anyone to pull a trigger on him. I am not exaggerating! She would SCREAM
and refuse to get out of the car to go into the building for the
visitations. Thankfully, there were only 7, maybe 8, in the past 7
years, or the trauma would have been worse. On the third visitation,
Mark AND my son, had to literally peel her from my body, because she
didn't want to go to "that building with that man", then SCREAMED the
whole time traveling in the car for the 15 minutes it took to get to the
building, and kept crying even after arriving. {:*-( Only when she
finally realized that it was time to go home, would she stop crying and
begin to calm down.
On the 4th visitation, she had
built up a wall of indifference to the situation and went to the parking
lot of the building where the visitations were taking place at Children
& Youth. She wouldn't get out of the car though.
The
5th visitation, Mark was on crutches from being hit by a truck while
riding his motorcycle, and Scott and C&Y coaxed my daughter out of
the car without Mark, by showing her a pink bear and telling her that
there were more toys inside to play with. She relented and they whisked
her away, leaving Mark to struggle with locking the car, then kept him
from entering the locked room where Scott, Olivia and one of the social
workers had the visitation. I was PISSED!!! My red came out that day and
I hope it never comes out like that again. I swear I was on the verge
of a stroke.
Anyway, all along she has stated that she
did not want to be a part of the visitations, but it didn't matter to
Scott. It also didn't matter to Scott that maybe it might have been more
important to her in the long run, if he were to set up an education
fund for her and not blow his mother's money on air fares, rental cars,
etc.
This whole past 9 or so years has aged me like
nobody's business. At one point, not long after losing Victoria, mine
and Mark's 19 week gestation daughter. I literally was knocking on
death's door, because I had lost hope in being able to protect my
daughter from a madman, and the court was enabling Scott to do exactly
what he wanted to do. I still don't understand where the judge was
coming from in his decisions. We've even petitioned the PA Supreme Court
in getting this resolved, but they refused to hear the case, because of
a misstep in the early days of Scott being granted Standing.
I swear, if that SOB gets out, and nobody else shoots him, he had better NEVER set foot near this house!
Copyright © 2009
Thankfully, this chapter of my life is now coming to a close. Scott sealed his fate, not only for himself, but, for our family as well, when he shot and killed Dr. George Tiller in Wichita, KS, on May 31st, 2009.
The reports and articles that have painted the picture of who Scott Roeder really was, have been more than a little unnerving to me. It haunted me for a long time to know that Scott was living with my family with those thoughts in his head. I also was haunted in realizing that I was the medium through which my friends were introduced to Scott, thus, putting them in harms way by knowing Scott.
Thankfully, this is all behind us, all of us. Judge Wilbert sentenced Scott to 50 years in prison for 1st degree murder, and 2 more years, to run consecutively, for 2 charges for assault with a deadly weapon. There is no option for parole to be considered before the first 50 years have been served, which means that Scott will be over 100 years old before even the remotest possibly comes to pass for him to be paroled.
The Creator in His great mercy, has granted to me the deliverance I have prayed for, for the past 10 years.
Susan Wells-Benuska-Archer ©
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